Hey bros and lady-bros. Magical pool of raven blood here. Did you know that in addition to answering your questions about the Land of Fritillary, I can also answer questions you have from your very own world? You can contact MPORB via transdimensional email, and Twitterdigitation. I reached out to a few friends and acquaintances, and they hooked me up with a good round of questions for this edition of the blog. Here we go:
Yo, Raven blood. You gotta help me out. You guys are playing the Lions this Sunday, and you're six point underdogs. I wanna put some money on you, but you've played terrible on the road, and I can't afford to lose any more cash. Also, what's Joe Flacco like?
-Danny from Dundalk
Danny, as you're probably aware, gambling is totally illegal in your homelands. I think you really ought to try to get your life together, bro. Sounds like you're in a bad way, and you might not want to dig any deeper into a hole. On the other hand, gambling is super legal in Fritillary; especially in Conroy's Palace, so use their services and take the Ravens and the points. Also, Joe Flacco is an ambulatory Gargoyle. For reals.
Blood Puddle! What's your super power?
@tadgostal
Wow, what an interesting and belligerently written question! Well, my main power is magic. Also, I'm pretty viscous, and I can do a killer one-man show version of Point Break, and do all the voices. Finally, I think I could do some Terminator 2 type biz if I got out of the vial. That was totally rad. But if it didn't work, I'd be stuck on the ground; and someone might slip on me, 'cause people in Fritillary are wicked clumsy.
I'm confused. If you're a pool of blood, how can you type? Also, does your dimension have electricity? Because from what I've read, it would seem to anyone with the basest critical thinking skills would realize that your world cannot realistically contain such, let alone technology advanced enough to receive emails. How do you explain that?
Ryan, Dresden
Bro, magic. Besides, who cares? Is it gonna ruin your life if you you don't know every single
permutation of everything in a world you don't live in? Here's some advice: RELAX. You might
enjoy things a little more if you didn't feel the need to disassemble them. Would you buy a
sandwich, separate all the ingredients, then complain to the sandwich dude that the parts didn’t seem like they should go together? If you would, that seems like a lot of work to go out of your way to not enjoy things. You're an intense dude, Ryan, and you need to chill.
So, I was thinking about getting a new apartment. The one I'm looking at is 900 sqft,
whereas the one I'm currently in is roughly 700 sqft. The new one is six hundred dollars a month more, but it's more space, and it's in Park Slope. It's a way more hip neighborhood, and it's where my unicycle brass band plays. What should I do?
Atticus Funk, Brooklyn NY
Hey dude, I live in a vial in a guy's pocket. I don't know if I'm a good judge of urban real estate.
But if dollars are your currency, 600 sounds like an awful lot. I wouldn't worry to much about
how cool your neighborhood is as long as you're cool. It's like Buckaroo Banzai says: “No matter where you go, there you are.” Also, your band sounds kinda terrible. Does it have one of those names that's like an ironic sentence fragment, like “Optimus Prime Meridian?” If so, stop.
MPORB, there wuz a movie bout u, whod play u?
@amberrulz
Good question! You know that guy The Stuff? He played The Stuff in The Stuff. He also played
The Blob in the remake of The Blob. You remember, The Blob starring the Stuff? Anyway him, but he'd probably need to lose some weight. He went kinda Marlon Brando after a while. So him, but if he can't trim down, then maybe William Fichtner.
*******
As always, guys, thanks for reading! It's been a pleasure helping you out.
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
Friday, July 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
An Interview with -- Me! Part 2
I'm quite flattered to find that there seems to be so much curiosity about me. In the comment section of the previous post, I got a whole new batch of questions about my life! I guess you humans don't often get the chance to get to know a magical pool of raven blood. So, here are some answers for Sir Honour, Clementine, the eighty-ninth!
I have a few questions about your life, and some err…more personal questions. I’ll start with my wife’s question, though. Sir Raven Blood, where did your personality come from? Do all vials of raven blood made by wizards have personalities?I quite wondered this question myself.
That's a very personal question, for sure. I mean, where did your personality come from, bro? Or your wife's? There are so many factors, dude. However, I can give you at least a partial answer. In my formative years when I was just a young pool of raven blood, Farland befriended a surfer named Lazlo. He was from the South of Fritillary. The surfer hung out a lot in Farland's evil lair, so I had lots of chances to pop into his mind and get to know him better. It turns out Farland only befriended Lazlo in order to figure out where to find the seaweeds and corals he needed for his spells, and once he'd gotten all the information he needed Lazlo stopped coming around. I've always feared the worst, but have hoped that Lazlo is still alive, and not shooting the curl in the great beyond. Before Lazlo disappeared, he taught me an awful lot, though. The principles (if not the practices) of zen yoga, pacifism, and a heck of a lot more kindness than I'd ever known before. I like to think that, if Lazlo is indeed dead, I am honoring him by carrying his life-philosophy on into the world.
Also, are you fond of tea? I’m quite fond of tea, and I couldn’t imagine not drinking it.
Farland tripped one time and accidentally dropped a cup of Raspberry Zinger in me, and it diluted me like cray-zee, man. I didn't care for the stuff. Couldn't speak a complete sentence or think straight until he'd poured about a raven-and-a-half worth of fresh blood into me.
Do you have a favorite color? I know there’s the whole not having eyes thing, but surely you must have one?
When I was ravens, I enjoyed the ultraviolet spectrum best. We birds can see more than you humans.
Do you ever feel remorse that ravens have to be slain in order for you to survive? I know they’re not the most wholesome creature, but they are living.
Totally, dude. Totally. I have nightmares and everything. But then I employ some of Lazlo's teachings and I carry on, trying to do as much good as I can, so as to make sure that the ravens didn't die in vain.
How did you learn to speak, was it innate, or did you have to teach yourself?
I just listened to Farland and worked it out. I don't smell or see, or even feel really, so all I've got is hearing. When that's all that you can experience, you figure out stuff pretty quick.
The evil wizard that created you wasn’t exactly the brightest wizard in the batch, and you don’t like serving him (quite understandably), but I was wondering, why choose Warren? He’s not exactly the brightest boy in the batch, though he is resourceful!
Of all the spells that Farland ever cast using me as an ingredient, the one where he cursed Conroy's firstborn child bothered me the most. So when I got the opportunity to help the counter-curse out, I took it!
One last question, Sir Raven Blood, and I will let you continue existing in peace. How do you feel about the women’s rights movement?
The women's right movement is awesome. About half my blood is from female ravens, so I'm half chick-raven blood! But even if I was all dude-raven blood, I'd still think chicks and dudes should have equality. I'm a raven, not a pig!
Thanks to you and your wife for the awesome questions!
Love and kisses,
The magical vial of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&sl=240
I have a few questions about your life, and some err…more personal questions. I’ll start with my wife’s question, though. Sir Raven Blood, where did your personality come from? Do all vials of raven blood made by wizards have personalities?I quite wondered this question myself.
That's a very personal question, for sure. I mean, where did your personality come from, bro? Or your wife's? There are so many factors, dude. However, I can give you at least a partial answer. In my formative years when I was just a young pool of raven blood, Farland befriended a surfer named Lazlo. He was from the South of Fritillary. The surfer hung out a lot in Farland's evil lair, so I had lots of chances to pop into his mind and get to know him better. It turns out Farland only befriended Lazlo in order to figure out where to find the seaweeds and corals he needed for his spells, and once he'd gotten all the information he needed Lazlo stopped coming around. I've always feared the worst, but have hoped that Lazlo is still alive, and not shooting the curl in the great beyond. Before Lazlo disappeared, he taught me an awful lot, though. The principles (if not the practices) of zen yoga, pacifism, and a heck of a lot more kindness than I'd ever known before. I like to think that, if Lazlo is indeed dead, I am honoring him by carrying his life-philosophy on into the world.
Also, are you fond of tea? I’m quite fond of tea, and I couldn’t imagine not drinking it.
Farland tripped one time and accidentally dropped a cup of Raspberry Zinger in me, and it diluted me like cray-zee, man. I didn't care for the stuff. Couldn't speak a complete sentence or think straight until he'd poured about a raven-and-a-half worth of fresh blood into me.
Do you have a favorite color? I know there’s the whole not having eyes thing, but surely you must have one?
When I was ravens, I enjoyed the ultraviolet spectrum best. We birds can see more than you humans.
Do you ever feel remorse that ravens have to be slain in order for you to survive? I know they’re not the most wholesome creature, but they are living.
Totally, dude. Totally. I have nightmares and everything. But then I employ some of Lazlo's teachings and I carry on, trying to do as much good as I can, so as to make sure that the ravens didn't die in vain.
How did you learn to speak, was it innate, or did you have to teach yourself?
I just listened to Farland and worked it out. I don't smell or see, or even feel really, so all I've got is hearing. When that's all that you can experience, you figure out stuff pretty quick.
The evil wizard that created you wasn’t exactly the brightest wizard in the batch, and you don’t like serving him (quite understandably), but I was wondering, why choose Warren? He’s not exactly the brightest boy in the batch, though he is resourceful!
Of all the spells that Farland ever cast using me as an ingredient, the one where he cursed Conroy's firstborn child bothered me the most. So when I got the opportunity to help the counter-curse out, I took it!
One last question, Sir Raven Blood, and I will let you continue existing in peace. How do you feel about the women’s rights movement?
The women's right movement is awesome. About half my blood is from female ravens, so I'm half chick-raven blood! But even if I was all dude-raven blood, I'd still think chicks and dudes should have equality. I'm a raven, not a pig!
Thanks to you and your wife for the awesome questions!
Love and kisses,
The magical vial of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&sl=240
Sunday, June 1, 2014
An Interview with -- Me!
Hi friends! So Blog Entry #3 is going to be about me, the magical pool of raven blood! I got a comment from Stephy and she had a lot of good (though some rather personal) questions that I figured other people might also be wondering about. So, here we go, dudes!
I would very much like to know more about who you are, how old you are, where you came from, and how many ravens it took to make you. Many regular-sized ravens? One huge raven? Perhaps a giant prehistoric dinosaur raven?
Farland made me when he was around ten years old, so I'm in my mid-twenties. By the time Farland was ten, he was already well on his way to plotting the downfall of the monarchy, and since magical raven blood is a very powerful ingredient in magic spells, he knew he had to get himself some of the good stuff. So, he made me. Not of a giant prehistoric dinosaur raven, or one huge raven, though those are good guesses. He set some raven traps in the woods, baited them with carcasses of other animals he'd killed, and then once the ravens were trapped he killed them and collected the blood. He was a creepy kid. At the time, I was about fifteen ravensworth of blood, but since then, due to evaporation and whatnot, New raven blood has been added. I'd wager about fourty or so ravens have met their end to keep me going.
And what happens when you are split into multiple containers - for example: your main body in the pool in Farland's place (the 'mothership', if you will), and then split into perhaps not one, but twenty or thirty vials? Would that be confusing for you?
It gets confusing when I'm divided into multiple containers, since sometimes I sort of forget where I am, especially if we're talking more than four containers, and if I'm being kept in a pocket or a bag where it's hard to hear. But my consciousness is only capable of being in one container at a time, so it isn't as though I am hearing everything going on around all the vessels I'm in at the same time. My consciousness can hop from container to container, though it gets exhausting if I do it too much. If someone with one of the containers hollers really loud when my consciousness is elsewhere, I can usually hear them and go see what they want. I hope that all makes sense.
What happens if you freeze?
I've never frozen. I'm usually just in a basin of blood in Farland's Evil Lair, which is heated tolerably well. And none of the adventures I've been on where I've been transported in a vial have been in the winter. Gah, I hope I never have to find out! Sounds... chilling. Ha ha!
What happens when you get mad? Does your blood boil?
I like to think I'm pretty zen and that, consequently, I don't really get mad. Que surah surah, bro.
What happens when you go deep-sea diving a little bit too deep? Do you get the bends? Does it affect you the same way it affects blood within animals suited to the surface of the Earth?
I've never been deep-sea diving. Geez, dude, you really think I get around! You must know some adventurous vessels of liquid. I really wish I could answer this question, since you seem to have a keen and inquiring mind, and I'd hate to leave you wondering, but I gotta tell you I just don't know. I would guess that the glass of the vial I would be in would shatter under the pressure and I would become one with the sea, but that's just pure speculation.
Thank you for answering my important questions.
No problem, Stephy! Any time!
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&sl=841
I would very much like to know more about who you are, how old you are, where you came from, and how many ravens it took to make you. Many regular-sized ravens? One huge raven? Perhaps a giant prehistoric dinosaur raven?
Farland made me when he was around ten years old, so I'm in my mid-twenties. By the time Farland was ten, he was already well on his way to plotting the downfall of the monarchy, and since magical raven blood is a very powerful ingredient in magic spells, he knew he had to get himself some of the good stuff. So, he made me. Not of a giant prehistoric dinosaur raven, or one huge raven, though those are good guesses. He set some raven traps in the woods, baited them with carcasses of other animals he'd killed, and then once the ravens were trapped he killed them and collected the blood. He was a creepy kid. At the time, I was about fifteen ravensworth of blood, but since then, due to evaporation and whatnot, New raven blood has been added. I'd wager about fourty or so ravens have met their end to keep me going.
And what happens when you are split into multiple containers - for example: your main body in the pool in Farland's place (the 'mothership', if you will), and then split into perhaps not one, but twenty or thirty vials? Would that be confusing for you?
It gets confusing when I'm divided into multiple containers, since sometimes I sort of forget where I am, especially if we're talking more than four containers, and if I'm being kept in a pocket or a bag where it's hard to hear. But my consciousness is only capable of being in one container at a time, so it isn't as though I am hearing everything going on around all the vessels I'm in at the same time. My consciousness can hop from container to container, though it gets exhausting if I do it too much. If someone with one of the containers hollers really loud when my consciousness is elsewhere, I can usually hear them and go see what they want. I hope that all makes sense.
What happens if you freeze?
I've never frozen. I'm usually just in a basin of blood in Farland's Evil Lair, which is heated tolerably well. And none of the adventures I've been on where I've been transported in a vial have been in the winter. Gah, I hope I never have to find out! Sounds... chilling. Ha ha!
What happens when you get mad? Does your blood boil?
I like to think I'm pretty zen and that, consequently, I don't really get mad. Que surah surah, bro.
What happens when you go deep-sea diving a little bit too deep? Do you get the bends? Does it affect you the same way it affects blood within animals suited to the surface of the Earth?
I've never been deep-sea diving. Geez, dude, you really think I get around! You must know some adventurous vessels of liquid. I really wish I could answer this question, since you seem to have a keen and inquiring mind, and I'd hate to leave you wondering, but I gotta tell you I just don't know. I would guess that the glass of the vial I would be in would shatter under the pressure and I would become one with the sea, but that's just pure speculation.
Thank you for answering my important questions.
No problem, Stephy! Any time!
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&sl=841
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Review of The Dawdling Donkey
Location: Right by the castle's main gates
Years in Operation: 212
The Sign of the Dawdling Donkey is the city's longest-standing inn. Though other inns have, technically, been in operation longer, The Dawdling Donkey has the rare distinction of being one of the few inns in the city that has never burned down. This is due, in part, to one of the inn's best features: its proximity to the castle gates, which are guarded at all times by a few dozen soldiers. Though the city does have a definite arson problem, no hoodlum in their right mind is going to try to torch a place that's a stone's throw from pack of soldiers, no matter how big a grudge the hoodlum in question might hold against the owners of the inn.
I stayed here a while ago, when the evil wizard Farland Phelps brought me along for a meeting with the bar keeper. Here's what I thought of the place:
The best stuff:
The location's pretty awesome, right by the castle gates. It's great for people-watching, especially if you have a room facing the main street. There are always rich, fancy folks going in and out of the castle, and, if you're lucky, you might be able to catch a glimpse of the King or Queen or Prince! Another nice thing is that the crime is so low; violent crime, anyway. Also, the place is pretty clean compared to other inns.
Stuff that's not so great:
It's pretty noisy at night, but I wasn't bothered because I'm a magical pool of raven blood, so it's not like I sleep or anything. If you're a human, though, you may want to bring some ear plugs, because they are not supplied by the management. Noise aside, the biggest problem is the shady stuff that's rumored to go on there. Rumors of smuggling and such. It's nothing that affects the patrons directly, I don't think, but if you are put off by shady-looking characters slinking around, passing grubby packages to the bar keeper, and slinking out again while eyeing you shiftily, The Dawdling Donkey may not be your place.
Historical Significance:
It is believed that The Dawdling Donkey was a stop on the underground railroad that snuck accused-witches to safety, and the place still is central to the city's simmering women's rights movement (which you may have caught wind of if you are a local). I, myself, am all for women's rights, but, if you are a sexist pig, then the disproportionate amount of progressive chicks sitting around glaring at you if you try to put the moves on them might annoy you. You may want to go elsewhere. There are plenty of seedier places where you'd have an easier time harassing women. The barkeeper, Galt, would surely be able to point you in the right direction.
Overall Rating:
Four out of five vials of raven blood.
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&p=0&sl=46
Years in Operation: 212
The Sign of the Dawdling Donkey is the city's longest-standing inn. Though other inns have, technically, been in operation longer, The Dawdling Donkey has the rare distinction of being one of the few inns in the city that has never burned down. This is due, in part, to one of the inn's best features: its proximity to the castle gates, which are guarded at all times by a few dozen soldiers. Though the city does have a definite arson problem, no hoodlum in their right mind is going to try to torch a place that's a stone's throw from pack of soldiers, no matter how big a grudge the hoodlum in question might hold against the owners of the inn.
I stayed here a while ago, when the evil wizard Farland Phelps brought me along for a meeting with the bar keeper. Here's what I thought of the place:
The best stuff:
The location's pretty awesome, right by the castle gates. It's great for people-watching, especially if you have a room facing the main street. There are always rich, fancy folks going in and out of the castle, and, if you're lucky, you might be able to catch a glimpse of the King or Queen or Prince! Another nice thing is that the crime is so low; violent crime, anyway. Also, the place is pretty clean compared to other inns.
Stuff that's not so great:
It's pretty noisy at night, but I wasn't bothered because I'm a magical pool of raven blood, so it's not like I sleep or anything. If you're a human, though, you may want to bring some ear plugs, because they are not supplied by the management. Noise aside, the biggest problem is the shady stuff that's rumored to go on there. Rumors of smuggling and such. It's nothing that affects the patrons directly, I don't think, but if you are put off by shady-looking characters slinking around, passing grubby packages to the bar keeper, and slinking out again while eyeing you shiftily, The Dawdling Donkey may not be your place.
Historical Significance:
It is believed that The Dawdling Donkey was a stop on the underground railroad that snuck accused-witches to safety, and the place still is central to the city's simmering women's rights movement (which you may have caught wind of if you are a local). I, myself, am all for women's rights, but, if you are a sexist pig, then the disproportionate amount of progressive chicks sitting around glaring at you if you try to put the moves on them might annoy you. You may want to go elsewhere. There are plenty of seedier places where you'd have an easier time harassing women. The barkeeper, Galt, would surely be able to point you in the right direction.
Overall Rating:
Four out of five vials of raven blood.
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&p=0&sl=46
Sunday, May 11, 2014
How does a pool of raven blood type, you ask? Magic!
OK, so this is a side-project I decided to do in order to give people a little window into the goings-on in The Land of Fritillary. Reviews of restaurants, interviews with local personalities, stuff like that. If you want to hear about anything in particular, let me know, but if not I'll just do whatever strikes my fancy. Expect a review of the Dawdling Donkey, a popular pub/inn, in my next post.
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&sl=188
Love and kisses,
The magical pool of raven blood
http://www.jukepop.com/home/read/1504/?chapter=1&sl=188
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